She cries every time I set a boundary, then I apologize?

Q: My parents disapprove of my interracial relationship — should I choose love or family?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-parents-disapprove-of-my-interracial-relationship-should-i-choose-love-or-family

Q: Should I marry someone I do not love but my family approves of?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/should-i-marry-someone-i-do-not-love-but-my-family-approves-of

Q: My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage and my husband will not set boundaries

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-mother-in-law-is-ruining-my-marriage-and-my-husband-will-not-set-boundaries

Q: How do I talk to my arranged match?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-talk-to-my-arranged-match-omt2mo

Q: Is attachment the same as love?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-attachment-the-same-as-love-ycz5fe

Question

my wife starts crying the second I say anything about needing space. like last night, I asked if I could go to my brother’s place for a few days, just to clear my head, and she broke down. sobbing, saying I don’t love her, I’m abandoning her… I didn’t even get to explain. ended up saying sorry just to make it stop. this happens every time. even when I mention working late or not wanting to visit her parents again so soon. she cries, I cave. I feel like a jerk but also… trapped. my mom always said marriage means enduring, but this feels off. recently I told her maybe we should talk to someone, she said only weak people do that. actually… I tried writing down what I wanted to say next time, 3 full pages last weekend. but I still can’t bring myself to say it out loud. I’m so tired. why is it so hard to say no without breaking her?

Julie Moreau · Answer

I've been in similar shoes, my partner is from Paris and sometimes my family's closeness feels suffocating to him. But that's not the point, what matters is that you're setting boundaries and that's okay. My mother always said that a good relationship is about giving each other space to breathe. When I need time alone, I explain to my partner why and we find a compromise. You should try explaining to your wife why you need space, maybe she's feeling insecure or left out. Instead of apologizing, have an open conversation and find a middle ground. It's not about abandoning her, it's about taking care of yourself too.

She cries every time I set a boundary, then I apologize?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience