She cries every time I set a boundary, then I end up apologizing?
I won't lie to you, I’m starting to feel like the bad guy for wanting basic respect. Tolu’s been in London for two years now — Masters, then internship, now she says she’s waiting on a work visa to extend. Her mom calls me every week asking when we’re marrying, and my dad’s already told people at church we’re ‘finalising things’. But every time I say something like, ‘Maybe you should come back home so we can actually plan something,’ she breaks down. Tears. Sobbing. Says I don’t trust her, that I’m trying to control her. Last time, she said, ‘If you loved me, you’d wait.’ I caved. Apologized. Even though I wasn’t even angry — just wanted clarity. Now she’s talking about a possible job in Manchester next year. I feel stuck. Like if I speak up, I’m heartless. If I stay quiet, I’m losing myself. My friend said this might be emotional blackmail, but I don’t know. Nothing do you, I just need to know — am I the problem here?