We fight every time we talk about future?

My husband used to do the same thing. I’d bring up the dumbest stuff like buying a plant and he’d get quiet or snap. Took me way too long to realize it wasn’t about the plant it was about feeling like he was failing if we talked future. We finally sat down not at home no pressure — at a diner with coffee and I said look I’m not trying to trap you I just want to know we’re going the same way. I asked him what scares him most about all this and he said he’s afraid he won’t provide enough. That hit me. We started small after that like once a month we talk for 20 mins about one thing — house budget baby stuff nothing huge and we both write down thoughts first so it’s not ambush. Felt dorky but worked. Also told my side family to back off — their stress was feeding mine. He still gets tense but we’re listening better now. You might not need more pushing you need a softer way in. Had our first real laugh about baby names last week. Felt like a win