We talk every day but I feel so alone...

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Question

We talk every day, sometimes even twice a day when he’s on break at the workshop. Same time, same ‘how was your day’ chat. But after my amma called asking if everything’s okay between us… I just broke down. I couldn’t explain it. I feel more lonely now than when we were doing long distance for two years while I sent money home from Singapore. He’s not mean or anything, never raises his voice... but when I try to say something deeper, he changes topic. Says I’m ‘thinking too much’. Last week I brought up marriage plans — we’ve been together 3 years — and he just said ‘in sha Allah, soon’ and switched on the football. I don’t want to make him shame, but I miss feeling… close. Like I exist in his world too. Now I just feel quiet inside all the time. And scared to say anything because what if he pulls back more? I don’t even know if this is love or just habit… 💔

Jess Aquino · Answer

My first serious relationship was like that — same safe loop of small talk, him brushing off anything heavy like it was smoke he could wave away. I kept quiet for months, then one night my sister asked if I was okay & I just cried into my dinner. What broke it open for me? I stopped waiting for him to notice. Next time he said 'how was your day' I said 'honestly — I feel kinda invisible' & let it hang. Silence. Then he changed subject. So I said it again, next day. Different words same truth. Third time I asked if he was avoiding this stuff on purpose. Turns out he didn’t know how to talk about feelings — not that he didn’t care. We started texting one real thing daily (mine: 'I’m scared we’re just roommates'. his: 'I don’t know what to say but I hear you'). It’s 3 years in & we still suck at it sometimes — but now we at least name the silence when it shows up

We talk every day but I feel so alone...

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