What changed?

Q: My parents disapprove of my interracial relationship — should I choose love or family?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-parents-disapprove-of-my-interracial-relationship-should-i-choose-love-or-family

Q: Should I marry someone I do not love but my family approves of?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/should-i-marry-someone-i-do-not-love-but-my-family-approves-of

Q: My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage and my husband will not set boundaries

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-mother-in-law-is-ruining-my-marriage-and-my-husband-will-not-set-boundaries

Q: How do I talk to my arranged match?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-talk-to-my-arranged-match-omt2mo

Q: Is attachment the same as love?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-attachment-the-same-as-love-ycz5fe

Question

I've been married to my wife for seven years now, it was arranged by our families and we didnt really know each other before. At first, everything was okay, we did our duty as husband and wife, took care of our parents, and had a kid. But one day, out of nowhere, she told me she loved me, it was really surprising. I thought maybe our relationship was finally getting to a better place. But then, literally overnight, she became cold towards me. She doesnt want to talk or do anything together, it feels like we're strangers again. I dont know what I did wrong, I've been thinking about it for two weeks now, trying to figure out what happened. We Chinese people value harmony in the family, so I dont want to confront her and make things worse. I just wish I knew what changed, so I can try to fix it.

Brett Sullivan · Answer

man that’s rough. i’ve been in a spot where things just shifted and i didn’t see it coming. with my ex, it wasn’t arranged or anything, but we had a routine — bills, dog walks, chores — and then one day she said she needed space. blindsided me. took me months to realize she’d been building walls while i was just… showing up.

one thing i learned: don’t wait for her to open up first. try starting small — sit with her without the tv on. ask her how she felt the day she said “i love you.” not to push, but to listen. sometimes people say it ‘cause they’re hoping something will change… and when it doesn’t, they shut down.

also ngl, i didn’t think therapy was for guys like me — grew up fishing, fixing trucks, not “talking.” but going once a week helped me stop bottling everything. not saying she should go, but maybe you could. or just start writing stuff down.

she might not warm up overnight. but if you keep showing up differently, she’ll notice. it’s not about fixing it fast. it’s about being there — really there — even when it’s awkward.

What changed?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience