Who am I after all this time?
I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 years… 5 of them long distance while he finished med school in Paris. We talk every day, but it’s always the same — him tired, me asking if he ate, then silence. My family loves him, says he’s respectful and serious, and my dad keeps saying "this is how marriages are built, patience." But lately I catch myself forgetting what I even like anymore. I used to paint, go to cafes with friends… now I just wait. Wait for his call, wait for him to visit, wait for… something. I don’t even know what I want. Wallah I don’t know what to do. When we’re together, it feels safe, but not alive. And I feel guilty for even thinking that. Am I just lonely? Or did I disappear so he could become who he wanted to be?... I don’t want to waste more years wondering.