Who am I without him after 8 years?

Q: My partner wants to close the distance but I am not ready to move

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Q: How do you survive a long-distance relationship in your 20s?

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Q: Long-distance partner barely calls anymore — is this the beginning of the end?

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Q: Matched but parents not okay?

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Q: Still love him but not in love?

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Question

Honestly, I don’t even recognize myself anymore. We’ve been together since I was 19, now I’m 27. Long long time. He’s in Cebu for work, I’m here in Davao with my family. We talk, sure, but it’s always on his terms — when to call, who I can hang out with, even what I wear when I’m not with him. At first it felt like love, like he cared. Now? It’s suffocating. But here’s the thing — I stayed so long trying to make it work, putting my mom’s advice first, hearing 'kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo' since I was young. I gave up my job offer in Manila because he said it would ruin us. Gave up a lot. And now, after all that, I’m asking… who am I? What do I even want? I feel lost. Super lost. Like, if I walk away, I’m failing. But if I stay, I disappear. I don’t know how to want something for myself na na. Anybody feel this?

Jae-won Na · Answer

i was 22 when i finally asked myself the same question. 8 years with someone who made me feel like i was always second to his schedule, his moods, his rules. i kept staying because i thought love meant sacrifice. tbh i thought i’d disappear if i left. but one day i found an old journal from college — pre-him — and i barely remembered that girl. she wore loud prints, laughed too loud, wanted to travel alone.  started small: blocked his calls for a weekend. wore red to a party (he hated red on me). hung out with my cousin without asking. little things that reminded me i still had a voice.  you don’t have to leave today. but start writing down the things you used to love before him. then do one. just one. not for anyone else. for that girl you barely recognize. she’s still there. and honestly? she misses you.

Who am I without him after 8 years?

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