Who am I without him?

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Question

i stayed with my husband for 14 years, through the yelling, the promises to change, even when he ignored me for weeks at a time. my mama always said stick it out, that divorce is a last resort and i believed her. but now that he moved out after the last blow-up, i don’t even know what to do with myself. i wake up and make breakfast like he’s still here, set a plate out instinctively then remember he’s gone. i catch myself talking like he’s listening, using “we” when there’s no we no more. my kids keep asking if i’m okay and i say yes but honestly? i feel lost. i gave up my job, my art, even my church group cause he said it was too much. now i don’t recognize the woman in the mirror. a part of me wants him back just so life feels familiar again which is messed up but true. is it weak to miss someone who didn’t treat you right or am i just scared to start over at 41 i dont even know who i am without him anymore. i need help figuring out me.

Gary Woo · Answer

when my ex finally left, i thought i’d feel free but instead i just felt lost like half of me was still playing house with a ghost. took me weeks to stop setting two mugs by the coffee maker. what helped? i started small. one morning i didn’t make his toast. just mine. and i sat in a different chair. tiny thing but it felt like a rebellion. then i started saying my name out loud when i was alone just to hear it again like i was reminding myself i’m still here. started writing little notes to myself — stuff like “you like pancakes now” or “you can leave the lights on if you want” — dumb stuff but it rewired the autopilot. also? talk to your kid. not about him but about you. share what you’re feeling even if it’s messy they’ll sense it anyway. i used to cook one plate, sit with my daughter, and say “just us girls tonight” like a mantra. it made the empty space feel a little lighter. one day you’ll realize you’re not just the woman who stayed. you’re the one who’s learning to stand again alone

Who am I without him?

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