Why are we tired of pretending everything's fine?

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Question

We go to family events, smile, laugh, take photos. My husband jokes with his brothers, I help serve the food, we look like that couple people point to — the one that’s ‘so sweet’. But drive home, no one speaks. Same same but different every time. He scrolls, I pretend to read. Actually, I’m just staring at the wall.

Last night I asked if he’s tired too. He said ‘a bit’ then turned away. That’s all. I used to think it was just me — maybe I’m asking for too much. But now I wonder if we’re both acting. For our parents? For appearances? For what?

I miss talking. Not about bills or chores. Real talk. I don’t even know when we stopped. He doesn’t snap or yell, nothing dramatic. Just… quiet. Like we’re roommates doing a good job pretending.

Is this normal? Or are we just stuck? Never mind lah… maybe nothing can change anyway 💔

Martín Vargas · Answer

I've been in your shoes before and I gotta say, it's a really isolating feeling. My husband and I used to put on a show for our families too, but behind closed doors we were just going through the motions. One thing that helped us was actually talking about it when we weren't exhausted or stressed. We'd take walks or do something we both loved and just be honest with each other. Ngl, it was hard to start those conversations, but it was worth it. Now we make an effort to check in with each other after family events, just to see how we're really doing. Maybe try that with your husband?

Why are we tired of pretending everything's fine?

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