Why do I shut down when things get physical?

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Question

Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months and honestly he’s really sweet—listens when I talk, remembers little things, always checks in. Like actual green flags all over the place. But whenever things get physical, even just cuddling too long or him trying to go further, I freeze up. Total shutdown. It’s not that I don’t like him—I do, a lot. But the second things feel too intimate, my chest gets tight & I just wanna bolt. We had a talk about it and he said he’s not going anywhere but I feel like I’m failing him? Idk, it’s confusing because emotionally I feel close to him, like I can tell him anything, but physically I’m just… not there. I used to think it was just me being “prudish” but now I wonder if it’s deeper. My last relationship was kinda messy, ex cheated, left me feeling like I wasn’t enough you know? Maybe I’m scared that if I let myself fully go there, he’ll realize I’m not worth sticking around for. Or maybe I’m overthinking it lol. But I don’t want this to ruin what we have because everything else feels so right.

Ravi Iyer · Answer

So I've been in similar situations before and honestly it sucks. Like my ex was super patient and stuff but I still froze up whenever things got too physical. What helped me was talking to him about it more specifically - what exactly made me uncomfortable and what I was okay with. We started slow and he was really respectful of my boundaries. I'd suggest doing the same with your boyfriend, have an open convo about what you're comfy with and take things at your pace. It might take some time to figure out what works for you but it's worth it

Why do I shut down when things get physical?

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