Why do people feel so disposable now?

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Question

So I’ve been on and off Bumble and Hinge for like the past six months and I swear it’s starting to mess with my head. Like last week I matched with this girl, we texted for a few days, made plans to grab coffee, and then the morning of she just… vanished. Read my last message and ghosted. Not even a ‘hey sorry’ or anything. And it’s not just her — this has happened like four times now. I keep trying to be upbeat and put myself out there but every time someone just fades away without a second thought it makes me wonder if I’m just an option or some background character in thier little dating game. It’s not even about rejection, I get that not everyone’s gonna vibe — but the total silence, the lack of basic courtesy? Feels like we’re all just swiping through profiles and forgetting each other the second something better pops up. Like am I the only one who actually shows up? I even started joking about zodiac compatibility with one match — I’m a Cancer, she was a Libra — trying to make it light, and still got ghosted. Is this just the new normal? How do you even trust someone when it feels like everyone’s one swipe away from being replaced?

Sophia Martinez · Answer

So I was in the same boat last year — went on like 8 coffee dates and got ghosted 5 times. Felt like I was doing something wrong, y’know? But here’s what clicked for me: most people aren’t ghosting *you* they’re just bad at handling their own stuff. Like that girl who bailed last minute? She probably got overwhelmed, or scared, or just didn’t know how to cancel — not thinking about how it lands on you.

I stopped taking it personally once I started treating dating like testing vibes, not auditioning for someone’s approval. One thing that helped — I’d text the day before and say, *“Hey, still on for tomorrow?”* Simple. No pressure. If they flake or go quiet, cool — I know it’s not me, and I don’t waste mental energy.

Also, I put a soft cap on pre-date texting. Like, two or three back-and-forths max, then push to meet. If they won’t commit, I unmatch. Saves the headache later.

It’s not you. The apps are full of people who don’t know what they want — easier to just fade. But when the right one shows up, they won’t make you guess

Why do people feel so disposable now?

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