Why do we have to perform happiness all the time?

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Question

So my girlfriend and I have been together for like 10 months and she’s awesome, really sweet and caring. But lately I’ve been feeling so drained by the whole ‘couple culture’ thing in Korea. Every weekend it’s like — match outfits, go to some trendy cafe, take 100 photos, post on Insta with some cute caption. I get it, she likes documenting stuff, but I don’t wake up feeling like a K-drama couple every damn day. Yesterday we argued because I didn’t want to wear the same color shirts at Namsan Tower. She said I don’t put in effort and that it makes her feel insecure when we don’t ‘look’ happy. Like… I *am* happy? But not in a performative way. I just wanna grab tteokbokki and walk around without staging a photoshoot. Now she’s side-eyeing me like I’m hiding something or cheating or whatever, which I’m not. I just hate feeling like every moment has to be curated. I brought it up and she said ‘if you loved me you’d want to show us off’ — that kinda broke me a bit. Not sure if I’m the asshole here or if this pressure is just too much. idk man

Yuki Tanaka · Answer

man, i went through this exact thing last year with my ex. we were always dressed like we were in a music video and i felt like i was auditioning for ‘perfect boyfriend’ every weekend. it wore me out. what helped was pulling her aside after a photo shoot at that stupid mirror cafe in Hongdae — you know the one — and just saying ‘i love you but i don’t wanna perform all the time. can we just… be?’ turns out, she was stressed about keeping up with her friends’ feeds too. we made a deal: one ‘couple day’ a month for photos, the rest of the time? jeans, hoodies, walk the dog, zero filters. felt like we got our relationship back. try saying it’s not her, it’s the pressure. and maybe suggest a ‘no phone’ date — like hiking or cooking at home. you’d be surprised how much closer you feel when no one’s checking the likes... lol

Why do we have to perform happiness all the time?

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