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Why does he blame me for stuff I didn’t do?

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so last night we were supposed to have dinner with my sister and her kids — family means a lot to me, you know, especially since we’re trying to keep things together after mama passed. anyway, i was running late cause the train got delayed, not even 15 minutes, but when i got there, james was fuming. said i “always do this” and “don’t respect his time” — but i didn’t even do anything wrong. i tried to explain and he just cut me off, said i’m too sensitive and need to “chill with the defensiveness.” that’s the thing — he does this all the time. if his day sucked, he acts like i caused it. if he misplaces his keys, somehow it’s on me. and when i get upset, he turns it around like i’m the problem for feeling hurt. my momma raised me to work on things, but this feels different. like no matter what i do, i’m the villain. my cousin said maybe it’s gaslighting, but i don’t even know. just feel lonely in this relationship. like i can’t breathe without him blaming me for the air. what do i do when the person supposed to love you treats you like the enemy?

  • toxic-relationship
  • red-flags
  • loneliness

M
Asked by

Marcus Webb

30 rep
6 days ago
6 views
1 answer
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Key Takeaways

  • my ex used to do this all the time — one time i was literally stuck in traffic for 10 minutes and he acted like i’d skipped the whole weekend.

1 Answer

  1. 0

    N

    Noah Williams

    45 rep
    6 days ago

    my ex used to do this all the time — one time i was literally stuck in traffic for 10 minutes and he acted like i’d skipped the whole weekend. what helped me was setting a boundary right after, not in the heat. like the next morning i said, "hey, last night sucked. i get you were mad, but i didn’t do anything wrong — the train was late. next time, can we just talk instead of you going off?" it felt weird at first but it made him stop and actually think. and when he tried to say i was being dramatic again, i just said, "i’m not arguing. i’m telling you how it was." so maybe try that — not a fight, just a calm reset. you deserve to be heard without getting blamed for stuff outta your control

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