Why does he blame me for things I didn’t do?

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Question

so last night, we were supposed to go to my sister’s dinner… i wore the dress he said he liked, tried to be in a good mood. then outta nowhere he says i’m ignoring his messages from earlier. i didn’t even see them — i was at work, phone on silent. he said i ‘always do this’ like i did it on purpose. when i said i didn’t mean to, he snapped, ‘you’re too sensitive’ … like, wait. i’m not even upset about the dinner, but the way he just flipped?

this keeps happening. if his coffee is cold, if his mom texts and he doesn’t answer, somehow it’s my fault. and if i try to explain, he says i’m overreacting. it’s like… i’m not allowed to feel anything. my mom says ‘men need space, just be softer,’ but… i don’t even know what i’m doing wrong.

it’s been two years like this. sometimes i wonder if marriage would fix it… or make it worse. 
i just feel… tired. like, why do i have to walk on eggshells all the time? …

he says he loves me, but…

Isabella Rossi · Answer

this hit hard because i was in the same spot last year with my ex. he’d blow up over little things and make me feel crazy for not reading his mind. what helped me was setting a rule — if he’s going to accuse me of something i didn’t do i wait until he’s calm then say exactly what happened no apologies for feelings just facts. like hey i was at work phone on silent saw your texts after. and when he called me too sensitive i said that doesn’t fix the problem it just shuts me down. sounds small but naming it changed things. my friend also told me to pay attention to the pattern not the moment — like is this about the coffee or is he stressed and taking it out on you. started journaling three sentences after fights just to track it. you’re not imagining it. and you don’t have to earn basic respect

Why does he blame me for things I didn’t do?

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