Why does my partner always side with their parents?

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Question

so we’ve been together for 3 years and every time there’s even a tiny issue involving their parents i get completely shut out. last week we were supposed to go to my sister’s wedding but his mom said she didn’t feel well and suddenly we’re canceling everything. he didn’t even ask me how i felt about it. when i brought it up he said i was being selfish for wanting to go. like come on. another time his dad made this weird comment about me being Manglik and how it might affect their family karma and instead of defending me he actually asked me if i’d considered doing those puja things to “fix” it. i was stunned. it’s not just big stuff either. literally every little disagreement if his parents are involved he just turns into this different person. i get it families are important but we’re supposed to be a team right. sometimes i wonder if he even sees me as his equal. idk maybe im expecting too much but it hurts every time. we talked about it once and he said i’m overreacting and that respect for elders is non-negotiable. okay but what about respecting your partner

Sophia Martinez · Answer

Ugh I’ve been there. my partner used to do the exact same thing — his mom sneezed and suddenly our plans were trash. it made me feel invisible. what finally changed was when I stopped arguing in the moment and instead asked him later, when things were calm “do you ever notice how fast you flip when your parents are involved?” took him off defense. we started tracking it — like actually jotting down when it happened and how it made me feel. weirdly, writing it down made it harder for him to dismiss. also… had a real talk with his parents at a family dinner. not confrontational, just “hey I’ve been wanting to connect more, but sometimes I feel like my stuff doesn’t matter as much” — caught them off guard in a good way. they actually apologized. not saying it’ll work the same but setting quiet boundaries helps. like now we book tickets to my family stuff *together* ahead of time so it feels non-negotiable. and if his mom’s “not feeling well”… we check in as a team first

Why does my partner always side with their parents?

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