Why does she check my phone 'out of love'?

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Question

Look, I came home yesterday and caught Lena going through my phone again. I didn’t even say anything at first — just saw her scrolling through my messages with my sister. When I asked what she was doing, she got quiet, then said, 'I just love you too much, Tobias. I can’t help it.' That’s the third time this week. I told her it feels wrong, like I’m under inspection, and she says if I have nothing to hide, why does it bother me? But that’s not how it works. My parents were together 40 years and never did that. My father wouldn’t have dreamed of touching my mother’s things, and same the other way. Lena’s from a different background, I know, but this isn’t normal, right? I love her, but I can’t live like I’m being monitored. Last night she cried and said she’s scared I’ll leave her. I didn’t leave. I stayed. But I don’t know how much longer I can keep feeling like a suspect in my own home.

Anonymous · Answer

my ex used to do the same thing... said it was because she 'cared so much' but it always made me feel like I was being watched, not loved. i finally sat her down and said 'if this keeps happening, we’re done' — not because i had secrets, but because i need space to breathe. and honestly? she didn’t stop until i blocked my phone and refused to give her the password. it sucked but it showed her i was serious. boundaries aren’t about hiding stuff they’re about respect. try this: next time she reaches for your phone, gently move it away and say 'i don’t do that to you and i need you to trust me the same way.' if she loves you she’ll work on it... if she keeps making excuses then ask yourself if 'love' should ever feel this heavy

Why does she check my phone 'out of love'?

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