Why has he never said I’m beautiful?

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Question

We’ve been married 7 years, three kids, and not once — not on our wedding day, not after I lost the baby weight, not even when I got my hair done for our anniversary last year — has he told me I look nice. Not once. I love him but… ay dios mio, it stings. My abuela always said a woman deserves to be admired, not just tolerated. His mom never praised his dad either, they were like two roommates with a mortgage. Now I’m starting to think it’s not just me, but a way of being he learned. But still, it’s a matter of respect, no? Last week I wore that red dress he used to like and asked if I looked okay. He said 'You’re fine' and grabbed his keys. That’s it. I wouldn’t even care if it was just words, but it feels like he doesn’t see me at all. I’ve stayed quiet so long I don’t even know how to bring it up without sounding petty. Like maybe I should’ve left it by now but… I love him but I’m tired. 💔

Wang Hao · Answer

My wife used to say the same thing. We Chinese people, especially men from my parents’ generation, they show love by doing — fixing the sink, putting money in your bag, making sure the AC works in summer. Not with words. My dad never said 'beautiful' to my mom either. She cooked for him for 40 years and he only praised her once — when she made salted duck egg wrong and he said 'too salty'. 😂 But I learned, after we fought about it three times in one week, I sat down and said: 'If I don’t say it, does that mean I don’t see it?' She cried. Now I practice. Every morning I say one thing. 'Your hair very nice today.' 'You look very happy in that dress.' Doesn’t feel natural at first, but now it’s habit. Try asking him straight: 'When you come home and I’m in the kitchen, could you say one nice thing?' Not because you need it to survive, but because it’s nice to feel seen. Even small thing. Give him a script. He might not know how.

Why has he never said I’m beautiful?

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