Wife makes me feel bad for earning less

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Question

so we’ve been married 5 years and for the last 3 she’s been pulling in way more than me. works in tech, I’m a teacher. I’m proud of her don’t get me wrong but damn lately she brings it up all the time. like if we're deciding on a purchase she’ll go “well I’m the one paying for this” or “this is coming out of my salary” like a week ago i suggested we get a new couch and she said “you couldn’t afford this on your own” and laughed. it stung. like hard.

i know money is stressful and im not asking her to carry me but the constant reminders make me feel small. i try to contribute in other ways—i cook clean take care of her dog when she travels—but it’s like none of that matters if it’s not dollars.

thing is we’re also thinking about starting a family and i worry this tension will get worse. also kind of a mess because i’ve been thinking about coming out as bi and honestly i’m scared how she’ll take it—like will she use the money thing against me even more if i open up about that.

am I overreacting or is this legit disrespectful

Hana Kim · Answer

my husband used to make more and then i got promoted in marketing and suddenly the tables flipped. at first it was jokes like 'look who’s the big earner now' but it started to cut deep when i'd suggest dinners or trips and he'd say 'oh that's on you then' like i was supposed to carry it all. what changed for us was sitting down with the bills one sunday afternoon not during an argument. we listed all income and split expenses 50/50 even though i make more because we both agreed the house is ours not his or mine. we also set a monthly 'fun money' amount each can spend without asking. took the power out of the money talks. try saying 'hey when you joke about me not affording something it actually really stings. i contribute in other ways and i need us to be a team'. my husband didnt even realize how it sounded until i told him straight. it helped

Wife makes me feel bad for earning less

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