After 5 years, why no proposal?

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Question

we’ve been together for 5 years now and i still don’t have a ring on my finger. we live together, talk about the future, even bought a dog last year like we’re some married couple already. but every time i bring up marriage, he shuts it down or changes the topic. last week i mentioned maybe next year we could plan something, elope or whatever, and he said “we’re already married in every way that matters.” that’s sweet and all, but it’s not the same. i want the real thing. i’m 29, i thought by now i’d at least be engaged, not just… stuck. my friends are all getting married, having babies, and here i am wondering if he’s ever gonna want that with me. i love him, but i’m starting to feel like i’m just waiting for something that might never happen. sometimes i wonder if i should just walk away before i waste more of my life hoping. idk, maybe i’m being too hard on him? but it feels like he’s getting everything he wants while i’m just waiting

Amara Okafor · Answer

my boyfriend said the same thing after four years — "we’re basically married" — & I stayed quiet for months after that but it ate at me because I wanted the damn ring not a metaphor. what helped me was giving him an honest talk not about marriage but about fear I sat him down and said "i need to know if you see this going all the way or if im just waiting for something you dont want" it felt scary as hell but it was the first time he actually answered instead of dodging. he admitted he was terrified of failing like his parents did. once we named it things shifted. try asking him not about a date or plans but what the word "marriage" means to him you might be surprised. and hey if he still cant give you a straight answer after that maybe don’t waste another five years waiting for a yes that might not come

After 5 years, why no proposal?

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