Am I supposed to keep begging for love?

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Question

I don’t even know where to start. We’ve been married 4 years, and from the beginning, it’s always been me showing up — me calling, me asking to talk, me crying for a connection. He’s distant, doesn’t speak unless I ask, and intimacy? Forgotten. I’ve asked so many times if something’s wrong, if he’s unhappy… he just says 'I don’t know' and walks away.

My parents remind me every week that marriage is a duty, that walking away brings shame, especially without a real reason like abuse. But I can’t explain how it feels to be living with someone who sees right through you. I’ve tried everything — cooking his favorites, dressing nicely, even praying for guidance… nothing changes.

I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep, I’m losing weight, and sometimes I just sit in the bathroom and cry... I feel like I’m disappearing. My brother says I should leave, but what will people say? What about my mother’s honor? What about the promise I made in front of God?

I don’t want a divorce. I just want to feel loved… is that too much?

I am dying inside.

Putri Santoso · Answer

My sister married a quiet man too. For two years she thought if she just loved harder he’d wake up. He didnt. One day she said Enough and started speaking her truth even when he looked away. She told him plain: I need to feel you here or I cant stay. Scared her to death but she meant it. And you know what? He didnt change but she got clear. That’s the thing no one told us — your duty is to yourself too. My ibu said same as your parents shame shame shame but look at her marriage. She stayed with a cold man and now sick from holding all that sadness inside. You dont have to walk out today but you do have to stop begging. Try this: next time he shuts down say I love you but this silence hurts me and walk to another room. Not dramatic just firm. Do it again if you need. Your heart should not be always knocking on a locked door. He very no good for me was what my sister finally said and she found peace after.

Am I supposed to keep begging for love?

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