Did I leave love for excitement and mess up?

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Question

So I ended things with my ex after 4 years — he was kind, steady, always put in effort. Never raised his voice even when I was being unfair. We talked about moving in together last winter and he started looking at places with two offices because I work from home. He has done this 14 times in 3 months — small, thoughtful things like that. But I felt safe, maybe too safe? Then I met someone new at a friend’s summer cabin. Total spark. Felt alive again, you know? She laughs loud and says whatever she thinks — wild card energy. Broke up with my ex to try something real with her. Now we’ve been seeing each other 5 months and it’s all highs and lows, shouting matches after drinks, making up like it's the first time every time. But I keep thinking about my ex — how calm everything was. Now I’m lonely in the middle of this chaos and wonder if I traded something real for a feeling. My sis said — you don’t leave water for fire, water keeps you alive. Idk. Maybe I just miss stability. Or maybe I’m scared of passion because it’s unfamiliar. But why do I feel so guilty when I know I didn’t do anything wrong?

Amara Okafor · Answer

My cousin made the same move last year — left her good man for someone who made her heart race. Guess what? Two months in and the spark died. Turns out excitement without trust is just stress with better lighting 🙃

I get it. Safe can feel boring when you’re used to fireworks. But real talk — you don’t trash a working engine for shiny paint. That man was building a life with you. Those little things? That’s love showing up not just saying.

I dated a spark once. Full of passion — also full of bills I didn’t know about lies and jealousy. God when? I missed my ex’s calm like crazy.

Sit with this: what do you want in five years? Someone who keeps you guessing or someone who shows up?

Call your ex. Just to talk. No expectations. If he answers like he still cares — which knowing men like him he will — ask yourself why you walked away from that.

Peace isn’t dull. Sometimes it’s just deep ❤️

Did I leave love for excitement and mess up?

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