found flirty texts on my husband's phone

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so i was charging his phone last night because mine was dead and i saw a notification pop up from his coworker Nibha. it said hey missed you today ;). i shouldn’t have looked i know but i opened it. there were like 20 messages back and forth. stuff like you’re trouble and thinking of you during meetings. nothing super explicit but the tone was flirty. we’ve been married 7 years and lately we’ve been distant. he’s been working late a lot and i’ve been feeling kinda lonely. i didn’t say anything yet. i don’t even know if i’m overreacting or not. part of me thinks maybe it’s just harmless but the other part feels gutted. we’re technically still together but it feels like we’re already separating. i keep trying to talk to him but he says im overthinking. but now i can’t unsee those messages. what do i even do. do i confront him. do i pretend i didn’t see anything. i just feel so confused and tired

Ravi Iyer · Answer

happened to me almost exactly two years ago. saw a text from some woman at his office calling him "my favorite distraction" and my stomach dropped. i didn’t confront him right away i just watched. big mistake. took me weeks to gather the courage but when i finally did — calm, no yelling — he broke down. said they’d been texting for months but never met up, just this dumb emotional thing he let spiral. we went to counseling and honestly it saved us. what helped most was me saying how lonely i felt instead of attacking him. try that. pick a quiet moment not when you’re mad and say “i saw the texts and it really hurt. i miss us.” see how he responds. if he gets defensive or blames you for looking — red flag. but if he owns it? there’s still room to fix this. my marriage is better now weirdly enough. not because of the texts but because we finally talked about the space between us

found flirty texts on my husband's phone

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