He said pick the baby or him—what do I do?

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Question

So I just found out I’m pregnant, like 6 weeks along. We weren’t trying, but it wasn’t an accident either—we’d been talking about having kids eventually. I told him last night and he got quiet, then said he’s not ready and that I need to “choose”… like, either I get rid of it or we’re done. I was so shocked I started crying and he just sat there, didn’t even touch me. We’ve been together 3 years, talked about wedding stuff, even looked at rings once. Now he says this isn’t the life he imagined right now. But it’s my body, right? I don’t even know if I *want* an abortion, but the way he said it made me feel completely alone. Like I’m the bad guy for existing. I love him, but I can’t believe he’d make me pick. My mom’s already saying I shouldn’t marry someone who makes me feel this way. Part of me wants to fight for us, but another part feels like I’m already raising this baby by myself. I don’t know how to trust him after this. What the hell do I even say to him? And what if I keep it and he leaves anyway? I feel so stuck. idk

And what if I keep it and he leaves anyway? I feel so stuck.

idk

Ananya Reddy · Answer

I remember sitting in my car after a guy told me almost the exact same thing. Felt like the floor dropped out. I stayed up all night thinking I had to pick—him or the baby—but honestly, the way he shut down? That was the real answer. A partner who loves you doesn’t give ultimatums when you’re shaking & telling them you’re pregnant. They pull you close, even if they’re scared.

I kept the baby. Not because I had it all figured out, but because I knew deep down I didn’t want to spend the next 20 years wondering what if. My ex bailed, obviously. But my sister moved in with me, & my mom started sending $200 a month “for groceries” even though I never asked.

You don’t have to decide right now, but do talk to someone—not him, someone who’s got your back. A clinic, a friend who’s been there, whoever. They’ll help you see options you can’t even imagine today.

I cried so much that first month I thought I’d never stop. Now my kid’s two & laughs at everything. Wondering what took me so long to choose us

He said pick the baby or him—what do I do?

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