He says he's great at communicating but never asks how I feel

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Question

We’ve been married eight years, two kids, the whole thing. Last week we had one of those fights where I’m just sitting there thinking… wait, am I invisible? I’d been quiet all day, barely ate lunch, and he didn’t notice. When I brought it up, he said, 'Well, I’m a great communicator, so if you have something to say, just say it.'

Look, I get that we’re both busy. But it’s not about needing constant check-ins. It’s that he doesn’t seem to care to know me anymore. On the one hand, he’ll talk for hours about his job, his friends, even his dreams. On the other hand, when I mention I’ve been stressed about my mom’s health, he nods like he’s listening, then switches to something about the car.

I’m not asking for grand gestures. Just… a 'how are you, really?' once in a while. Is that too much?

We had a therapist once. He said she was 'too focused on feelings.' 😒

I just feel so alone sometimes, even when he’s right beside me.

Anonymous · Answer

I've been in similar shoes and honestly, it sucks. My husband used to do the same thing, just assuming I'd speak up if something was wrong. But sometime's you just dont wanna talk about it, you know? Anyway, what worked for me was having a calm conversation with him about how I feel, like actually scheduling a time to talk. I told him I feel ignored when he dont ask how my day was or how I'm doing. And yeah, it's helped. Now he makes an effort to check in, even if it's just a quick 'how was your day?' haha, it sounds simple but it makes a difference

He says he's great at communicating but never asks how I feel

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