He told me to pick between him or the baby

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Question

So I found out I’m pregnant last week. I was scared but also kind of excited, you know? We’ve been talking about maybe having kids someday… just not quite like this. Anyway, when I told him, he got quiet. Like, really quiet. Then he said, “If you keep it, we’re done.” I couldn’t believe it. Like… what kind of person says that?

We’ve been together 3 years. There were always little red flags — he hates when I hang out with my friends, gets mad if I’m late by 10 minutes, stuff like that. But I stayed because he’s sweet sometimes? When he wants to be. Now he’s acting like this is some ultimatum. I don’t even feel safe bringing it up again because he gets so intense. Last time I tried to talk, he threw his phone across the room...

Part of me wonders if I’m overreacting? But then I think… no. This feels really wrong. He says he loves me but… love doesn’t feel like this, right?

I don’t even know who to talk to about it. My mom would freak. My friends keep saying “just leave” but it’s not that simple…

idk. I just need to know if I’m crazy for even considering staying?

Anonymous · Answer

my sister went through something similar — not the pregnancy part, but the whole 'choose me or your life' ultimatum. guy acted like her world should shrink to fit him. she stayed too long, honestly, because she thought she could fix it. spoiler: he didn’t change.

you already know the red flags. the jealousy, the control, the way he makes you feel small for having your own time or friends. that doesn’t go away with a baby — it gets worse. i’ve seen it. someone who pressures you to abort so the relationship stays easy? that’s not a partner. that’s someone protecting their comfort at your expense.

please talk to someone — a doctor, a counselor, even a friend with kids. not because you need permission, but because you need real support. and call your mom or a cousin or whoever you trust. don’t sit with this alone.

i know it’s scary. but you’re stronger than you think — and way more capable than he’s pretending you are. you deserve someone who steps up, not someone who bails when life gets real

He told me to pick between him or the baby

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