He’s kind but never asks how I’m feeling

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Question

We’ve been together three years, solid on paper. He’s a good bloke — reliable, doesn’t flake, remembers my mum’s birthday, all that. Took me camping last weekend, cooked the billy, no complaints. But it hit me out there — not once, in three years, has he asked how I’m really doing. Not when Dad was sick, not after I lost the job last year, nothing. I’ve asked him about his day heaps of times, listened to his footy dramas, his mate troubles… but it’s always surface stuff. Last night I said I was a bit down and he handed me a beer and said ‘cheer up, it might never happen’. I just… nodded. She’ll be right, right? But it’s not. It’s heaps lonely. Feels like I’m the only one holding the emotional end. We don’t fight or anything, but I feel like a roommate who does the dishes and the caring. Is this just how blokes are or am I asking too much?

Emma Johansson · Answer

Yeah I’ve been there. My ex was the same — great at doing things, rubbish at talking. It took me ages to realise I was basically in a one-way emotional street. I kept pouring into him, waiting for him to notice me, and it just… never came.

What clicked for me was actually saying it out loud. Not in a sad, passive way, but straight up. Last year I told my partner, 'Mate, I feel like I’m the only one checking in. I need to know you care how I’m doing, not just that you’re on time for dinner.' Awkward as hell but it worked. He actually listened.

Try asking for one small thing — like 'Can you just ask me one real question tonight? Anything.' See how it lands. If he shrugs it off or forgets next week, that’s your answer.

And if he cant — if he genuinely doesnt get it — then you gotta ask yourself how much of your heart you wanna keep giving to someone who only speaks half the language

He’s kind but never asks how I’m feeling

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