How do I admit I never enjoyed sex?

Q: My spouse wants an open marriage and I am devastated

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-spouse-wants-an-open-marriage-and-i-am-devastated

Q: My husband stopped talking to me after our baby was born

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-husband-stopped-talking-to-me-after-our-baby-was-born

Q: Is it normal to feel lonely in a marriage?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-feel-lonely-in-a-marriage

Q: How do you keep the spark alive after 15 years of marriage?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-keep-the-spark-alive-after-15-years-of-marriage

Q: My wife and I disagree on how to raise our kids — it is tearing us apart

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-wife-and-i-disagree-on-how-to-raise-our-kids-it-is-tearing-us-apart

Question

weve been married 8 years and i just realized i never actually liked sex with my wife. from the start i smiled laughed pretended like i was into it because i didnt want to hurt her feelings or seem broken. she’s kind patient really tries to make it good but every time felt like acting in a movie where i forgot my lines. i thought it would get better with time but it just got harder to fake. last week she planned this whole romantic night and i cried in the shower after because i felt so guilty. i’m scared to tell her cause what if she thinks i never loved her or that our whole marriage is a lie. but i cant keep doing this i feel like a fraud & honestly kind of numb. i dont even know who i am without this mask. she deserves better but i dont know how to start saying the truth without wrecking everything. sometimes i wonder if i’m even capable of feeling that way with anyone. i love her just not that part

Clara Fischer · Answer

i was in the exact same boat for years. i smiled too faked it tried to ignore how alone it made me feel even though she was right there. it wasn’t fair to either of us. what finally helped was saying something small not all at once. i started with “hey sometimes i feel disconnected during sex” & just let it sit. she was quiet at first but then asked questions. we went slow. i kept saying little truths every few days like “i love being close to you but the physical part feels confusing for me” or “i’m not mad at you it’s my own stuff.” therapy helped a lot but opening up even a crack was the real game changer. you’re not broken. you’re just carrying something heavy you weren’t ready to name & thats okay. try one sentence. see how it feels.

How do I admit I never enjoyed sex?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience