How do I deal with his family expecting me to be someone I'm not?

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Question

His mom called me last week asking when I’m going to quit my job so I can start helping with their business you know the one his brother runs and I just froze because since when did I sign up for that I’m a designer not some family assistant and I told my boyfriend about it and he just said ‘they mean well’ like that fixes everything his family’s always hinting I should be more like his cousin who gave up her career to move back home and now she’s married with two kids and wears those sweet pastel outfits and cooks for everyone every Sunday and I’m like okay but I wear black and hate kimchi stew and sometimes don’t answer calls for three days because I’m in the zone with a project I think our situation is crazy-making because every time I try to talk about it he says I’m overreacting and that in his family wives just naturally fall into these roles but I didn’t fall into anything I fought to get where I am and now I feel like I’m being erased slowly like some Busan girl who should know her place even though I’m not even from Seoul and his parents keep saying how proud they’d be to have a real daughter-in-law finally like I’m just a placeholder until the right one shows up 😭

Carlos Mendez · Answer

My abuela once told me a woman who loses herself in a man’s family loses her voice in the world too and I didn’t get it til I almost let my MIL plan my whole life for me tbh. When she started pushing for me to quit my job and “help the familia” like I was some backup plan for my brother-in-law’s failed taco truck I leaned harder on my man and told him straight — if he couldn’t back me here we were gonna have a real problem. He finally stepped up after I gave him the look you know the one that says *don’t make me choose*. Next time his mom says something say “Oh that’s sweet but my career’s important to me” and then loop your boyfriend in fast — not to fight for you but so he learns to fight with you. Definately don’t wait til you’re drowning. My cousin still wears those pastels but I wear my blazer like armor and honestly I sleep better ❤️

How do I deal with his family expecting me to be someone I'm not?

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