How do I deal with his 'kiasu' ambition?

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Question

My husband wants us to move to London for his career. Says it’s the ‘next step’ and we’re ‘falling behind’ if we don’t go now. But we just bought a flat here, and I’m pregnant—due in 5 months. I told him I’m not flying halfway across the world to start from zero, especially not now. His idea of being kiasu is working 70-hour weeks, no weekends, no life. Calls it ‘hustle’. To me, that’s just suffering with a plan 😭

My dad always said kiasu people end up lonely, even if they’re ‘successful’. Didn’t believe him till now. My husband doesn’t even see how stressed he is. Says I’m not supportive because I don’t want to uproot our family for his bonus targets. Aiyah, I want him to do well—but not like this. Not at the cost of us. We used to talk about having dinner together, watching movies, actually living. Now it’s all ROI, networking, ‘strategic growth’. What happened to balance? How do you love someone who only sees life as a ladder?

I just want us to be happy, not rich and exhausted lor.

Marissa Cook · Answer

I was in a relationship with a guy like that—total hustle-til-you-drop mentality. We dated through med school, so believe me, I get the grind. But when he wanted to move to New York for a fellowship right after we’d settled in Boulder? And I was teaching and finally feeling grounded? Nah. I told him if he went, he’d go alone. We broke up. Honestly, best thing for me.

You’re pregnant. You just bought a home. These are real life things, not just career milestones. Your body, your peace, your family—those matter more than some vague idea of not falling behind. Who even decides what ‘ahead’ looks like?

Sit down with him and say: ‘Tell me what this move really means. What are you scared of if we dont go? What are you chasing?’ You might find its not about you at all. Then share what you need—time, stability, partnership. If he cant hear that? Then he’s not the partner you need.

You got this. Trust your gut ❤️

How do I deal with his 'kiasu' ambition?

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