how do i fix things after pushing them away?

okay so i messed up bad. i was seeing this guy for almost a year, long distance but we made it work — flew back and forth every few weeks, late night calls, the whole thing. he was actually good to me, like... really patient and kind, didn’t even get mad when i flaked last minute. but i kept pulling away. whenever he’d talk about visiting for longer or meeting each other’s families, i’d shut down. not because i didn’t care... i just panicked. always have. ended up saying i wasn’t sure i wanted a future with anyone. total lie. i was just scared. we broke up 4 months ago. haven’t spoken since. i think about him every damn day. he texted once after, asked if i was okay. i said fine. such a waste. now i’m here, lonely, realizing i had someone amazing and i let fear win. i keep checking his instagram... god that’s sad. anyway. do people come back after stuff like this? or am i just hoping for something that’s already gone... my attachment style is a mess. i know that now. but does that even matter if he’s moved on? i miss him so much it hurts.