How do I fix us when culture keeps getting in the way?

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Question

So we’ve been married for three years now and honestly it’s getting hard to even talk some days. I’m from Chicago, grew up pretty open, lots of hugs, we say “I love you” like ten times a day. My husband’s from Moscow and he’s sweet in his way but everything feels so… quiet. Like, I’ll share something personal hoping he’ll open up too and he just changes the subject or says “everything’s fine.” Which it’s clearly not.

We used to be close, you know, in the bedroom. Now it’s been months. I asked if something was wrong and he got weird, said I was pushing too hard. But how else do we fix things if we don’t talk? He says I’m “too much,” but I’m just trying to connect.

Last week I cried and he just handed me a tissue and said “don’t make a scene.” It felt cold, idk. I love him, but I feel alone. And lately I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m the problem — like am I really that dramatic or is this just another world collision? lol, if only it were that simple.

We’re both queer, which already made things harder back home for him. I thought we were building something safe. Now I’m not sure what’s breaking — us, or just the gap between how we were raised

Zara Mohammed · Answer

my husband’s from Seoul and when we first got married i kept waiting for him to start spilling his feelings like my side of the family does. didn’t happen. took me forever to realize he was showing love just… differently. like making me coffee every morning without saying a word.

what helped us was setting a tiny ritual—every night after dinner we’d sit on the couch for ten minutes. no phones. i’d say one thing i felt that day and he’d just listen. didn’t have to respond. slowly… slowly he started sharing too. started with stuff like “work was loud” but it was a door opening.

also tried writing notes. sometimes talking feels too heavy. i’d leave a little card on his pillow saying “i miss kissing you” and he’d actually come find me later. not magic but it broke the ice.

you don’t have to change each other. just find the quiet ways in

How do I fix us when culture keeps getting in the way?

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