How do I handle my mom hating my fiancé?

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Question

So I’ve been with Mark for three years and we got engaged last month. I thought my mom would be happy — she’s always saying she wants me to settle down — but the second I told her, her face just dropped. She said he’s “not the one she imagined” and keeps bringing up this ex she liked way more — like, why even go there?

Mark’s amazing. He cooks for me when I’m stressed, works hard, treats my dog like royalty. But Mom won’t even come to dinner when he’s around. Last time, she left halfway through because “she forgot an appointment.” Yeah, right.

I love her, and I get she wants what’s best — but it’s *my* life, you know? — and it hurts that she won’t give him a real chance.

She talks about family values but acts kinda selfish about this

I don’t want to choose, but it’s getting bad. Mark’s starting to feel like he’s not welcome — which sucks because he’s already part of my family in my head.

How do I stand my ground without losing her?

We’re planning the wedding and every decision feels tense now.

Theo Laurent · Answer

my sister went through this with her now-husband and it was rough for like two years. her mom never liked him at first called him "too quiet" which was honestly kind of fair but also not a crime you know

what helped was giving her mom small wins — like inviting her to low-pressure stuff where Mark could just be himself. no big declarations just coffee at a cafe or a walk in the park. my sister also stopped talking about the wedding around her mom for a bit which sounds weird but it took the pressure off

also one thing that changed everything: my sister’s mom found out Mark paid off his student loans. i’m not saying that’s the key but it showed he was responsible & that mattered to her

it might just be that your mom needs to see him in a different light. keep doing your thing & don’t force it. tbh some people need time to get used to change even if they say they want it

How do I handle my mom hating my fiancé?

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