How do I know if this is real love?

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Q: Learning to love myself before loving someone else — is that real advice or a cliche?

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Q: Why am I his project and not his person?

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Question

I’ve been married for 8 years, but my husband and I only talk during video calls when he’s working overseas. Lately, I met someone here in Qatar — same hospital, same shift. We don’t even do much, just talk after duty, sometimes grab coffee. But he listens, you know? Like really listens. It’s scary how easy it feels with him, compared to my marriage na.

I didn’t think I’d feel this way. My family back home keeps asking about when we’ll try for a baby, but how can we? He’s gone 11 months out of 12. And now this guy… he says I deserve more than waiting. But I feel so guilty even typing this. Am I being unfair? Or am I just… tired?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just attaching myself to someone because I’m lonely. But it doesn’t feel fake. He doesn’t pressure me, doesn’t rush anything. He even told me to figure out my heart first. 😭 What if love isn’t about time or papers, but who makes you feel seen?

Tony Leow · Answer

Honestly I'm still reeling from my own breakup but reading your story makes me think of my own situation. I was with my partner for so long but things just felt off towards the end. You're feeling something real with this guy and it's scary because it's different from what you're used to. Confirm you need to take some time to figure out what you want. Talk to your husband about how you're feeling and see if you guys can work through this. But also be honest with yourself if it's already too late for that. Steady lah you gotta do what's best for you

How do I know if this is real love?

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