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Long Distance

How do I make this arranged marriage feel real?

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We’ve been married for six months now, but we’ve only met in person twice. My parents chose her, and I didn’t say no because… well, you know how it is. They’re my elders, and I respect that. Alhamdulillah, she’s kind, sends me long voice notes every night, and always asks about my mom’s health. But I feel like I’m pretending sometimes. Like, I want to care, but it’s hard when every conversation feels polite and rehearsed. I keep wondering—am I supposed to just wait until we’re in the same country? She’s still in Lahore finishing her degree, I’m here in Leeds struggling through winter and loneliness. Last week she asked if I dream about our future and I didn’t know what to say. I do… but it’s not like in the films. It’s quiet. Distant. Sometimes I think she’s waiting for me to fall in love first. But how do you force that? What if I never do? What if she deserves someone who just… *knows*?

  • Arranged Marriage
  • Husband-Wife
  • loneliness

H
Asked by

Hamza Malik

15 rep
8 days ago
7 views
1 answer
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Key Takeaways

  • My cousin went through something similar two years ago and honestly what changed things was them starting a tiny ritual — nothing fancy.

1 Answer

  1. 0

    J

    Joy Villaluz

    0 rep
    8 days ago

    My cousin went through something similar two years ago and honestly what changed things was them starting a tiny ritual — nothing fancy. They began watching the same Ramadan drama together over Zoom and texting reactions like they were side by side. Sounds small but it made them feel like they were building something instead of just waiting. I remember my cousin saying the pressure to *feel* something right away made it worse. Like you’re both on stage. Try giving yourselves moments that don’t have a script. Send her a silly video of your cat knocking over your coffee. Ask her what she hated eating as a kid or what song she secretly dances to when no one’s around. Stuff that doesn’t start with “How was your day” We started doing voice notes while walking the dog — felt more natural than sitting down for a ‘talk’ — and slowly it stopped feeling like an interview. You don’t have to fake deep love now. Just keep showing up in real ways not perfect ones

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