How do I marry someone my parents hate?

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Question

so my fiancé and i have been together for 3 years and we’re planning a small wedding next summer. my parents are barely speaking to me since we got engaged. they say he’s “emotionally distant” and that i “deserve better” but they’ve never even tried to get to know him. he’s not perfect but he’s kind and stable and ive never felt this safe with anyone. i think part of it is cuz he’s from a different background and they’re being kinda racist about it but won’t admit it.

i cry almost every time i talk to my mom. she keeps saying “you’ll regret this” and that i’m making a mistake. it’s crushing. my sister’s on thier side too so i feel totally alone.

i know im an adult and can make my own choices but it hurts so bad. like what if they don’t come to the wedding. i keep hoping they’ll come around but every time i suggest hanging out together they make excuses.

is it selfish to go through with the wedding even if they might not show up. i dont wanna lose my family but i cant just walk away from the person i love.

also hes an avoidant type so all this stress makes him shut down which makes me feel even more isolated.

how did anyone else handle this. im so tired of feeling guilty for wanting to be with him

Daniel Cooper · Answer

my parents hated my husband for the first two years we were together. they thought he was too quiet, not ambitious enough, didn’t laugh enough — honestly kind of the same stuff yours are saying. i stopped trying to convince them and just kept living my life. invited them to dinners, included them in little ways, but didn’t beg for approval. what changed things? time. and seeing how he treated me when i was sick once — how he showed up without being asked. they didn’t have some big moment where they said “okay we love him” it just… faded. we had a small ceremony like you’re planning and they came. not thrilled, but there. i think if i’d waited for their blessing i’d still be waiting. you don’t need their permission to marry him. you do need to be honest with yourself — are they seeing something real or are they scared you’re choosing someone outside their idea of right? think about that. but also don’t let their fear ruin your joy. my marriage is strong. their opinion? that just had to catch up

How do I marry someone my parents hate?

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