How do I stay strong when both families hate our marriage?

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Question

Me and Tariq have been together 4 years — got a toddler now, a girl, and everything’s been amazing between us. But our families? Total silence since the wedding. I’m Igbo, he’s Yoruba, and apparently that’s some kind of war to them. My mom won’t even hold her own granddaughter. Says marrying outside the tribe is a betrayal to our ancestors — like I spat on my culture or something. His side too, his uncle literally said he’s “diluted the bloodline” can you believe that? We didn’t even know it’d be this bad. We thought once the baby came things would soften. Nope. Now I’m starting to doubt everything — not him, never him — but I feel guilty every time my mom cries on the phone or refuses to visit. I love my family, but I love him too. And I won’t lose him. But it’s exhausting pretending I’m okay when I’m breaking a little each day. How do you hold onto yourself when everyone you grew up loving treats your happiness like a mistake. Also weirdly we’re great at co-parenting — total team — but my anxious attachment keeps making me pick fights over tiny stuff, like if he’s distant for a day I spiral thinking he’ll leave. Like the rejection from our families is bleeding into us. Anybody been through this?

Anonymous · Answer

My cousin married a Fulani man and her family cut her off same way. Took three years but they came around — not gonna lie the silence nearly broke her. What got us through? We built our own circle. Found other mixed couples through church & even started a little group chat where we vent and share wins. Also my mom finally held her grandchild when she got sick last year — sometimes it takes a crisis for pride to crack. Keep taking pictures. Send little updates even if they don’t reply. Not for them — for your daughter. She’ll see one day you protected her story. And you don’t have to trash your culture to grow it. I still cook egusi stew every Sunday Tariq teaches her Yoruba lullabies at night. That’s not betrayal that’s love. It’s hard as hell but you’re doing the right thing ngl.

How do I stay strong when both families hate our marriage?

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