how do i stop feeling exhausted by dating?

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Question

i just ended a 3-year relationship that drained me completely. looking back, i was basically walking on eggshells the whole time, always trying to fix things that weren’t my job to fix. he’d shut down for days if i brought up anything real, and i kept chasing… trying to get through to him. it got so heavy i started dreading every text.

after we split, i told myself i’d take a break, but then a few months later i tried dating again. went on a bunch of first dates, even saw one guy twice… but now i just feel… nothing. not even nervous anymore. i see my friends planning trips together, laughing, connecting… and i’m just tired. not sad, not angry — just empty.

i’ve been in therapy for a few months and i’m starting to see how much i ignored my own needs. but how do you rebuild the desire to connect when every interaction feels like work?

i keep wondering if i’ll ever be able to actually *want* someone again instead of just feeling obligated to try. … maybe i’m not ready, but it sucks watching life pass by while i’m stuck here.

Anonymous · Answer

same thing happened to me after my ex. i was the emotional caretaker for years and then suddenly i’m on a date with some guy who asks what i do for fun and i can’t even remember.

took me a minute to realize i wasn’t burnt out from dating — i was burnt out from giving so much to someone who wasn’t giving back. so i stopped going on first dates for a while. not because i was broken just because i needed space to remember who i was when i wasn’t trying to fix someone.

started doing little things no one else got a say in — morning walks no pics just for me grilled cheese at midnight if i wanted. said no a lot. actually mean it.

one thing helped most was writing down what i actually need in a person not what i think i should want. quiet respect. emotional availability. someone who texts back not because i nudged but because he’s thinking of me.

you’re not tired from dating you’re tired from overgiving. rest first everything else comes later

how do i stop feeling exhausted by dating?

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