How do I stop feeling guilty for wanting closeness?

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Question

So last night I was lying next to my partner after dinner, just kinda leaned in for a hug, and they pulled away saying they were 'overwhelmed' and needed space. Again. It’s not the first time. I’ve been feeling like I’m too much lately—like my wanting to cuddle or even just talk about us is a burden. I get it, everyone needs space, but every time I reach out and get shut down, I start feeling… small, like my needs are stupid or annoying.

Earlier this week I even apologized for texting them a heart emoji. Can you believe that? I don’t know when I started thinking love was something to feel bad about. They’re not abusive or mean, they say they care, but the constant 'I need distance' when I try to get close is killing me. I can’t keep hiding how I feel but I also don’t want to walk on eggshells.

I told them I’ve been feeling disconnected and they said I’m 'too intense' sometimes. That one stuck with me. Now I’m questioning everything. Should I really be this scared to want affection? Idk, maybe I’m being dramatic but it hurts.

I just miss feeling wanted.

Chloe Bennett · Answer

i used to feel the same way — like every time I reached for my partner, I was met with a wall. it got so bad i started counting how many times i apologized for just *existing* near them. what helped me was saying out loud, 'hey, when you pull away, I feel like I’m too much. that true?' turned out, they weren’t rejecting *me*, just reacting to their own stress or overstimulation. we made a signal — a hand gesture — for 'i need space' that didn’t involve words. helped me not take it so personally.

also started checking in with myself *before* reaching out. if i was feeling anxious or lonely, i asked: am i looking for comfort from them, or am i trying to fix a mood? sometimes i’d text a friend instead or just wrap myself in a blanket and watch dumb tiktoks.

your needs aren’t stupid. wanting closeness is human. but ngl it’s easier to handle rejection when you’ve got other ways to feel safe too. try writing down 3 things that make you feel grounded — then do one when the guilt hits

How do I stop feeling guilty for wanting closeness?

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