how do i stop feeling stuck after my wife died

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Question

it’s been 18 months since Sarah passed and i still wake up reaching for her like she’s gonna be there making coffee or humming that stupid tune from the 90s she loved i clear out her closet last winter because her mom was gonna flip if she saw it untouched and that felt like losing her all over again i thought i was doing better but then i saw her favorite mug at the thrift store the other day and i just broke down in the middle of the aisle some lady handed me a tissue and i couldn’t even talk it’s not like i’m not trying i go to therapy i go on walks i even started reading again but some days it’s like the grief just sits on my chest and won’t move i keep thinking i should be further along by now like i should be ready to live again but i don’t know how to do that without feeling like i’m leaving her behind people say she’d want me to be happy but what if i don’t know how to be happy without her i don’t even know what i want anymore i just keep existing

Anonymous · Answer

lost my husband 3 years ago & some days still suck, so yeah, 18 months isn’t a magic number. i get the reaching for them thing — i’d roll over in the middle of the night half-asleep & forget for one sweet second he was gone. gut punch every time.

what helped me: i started a thing where i’d talk to him out loud for 5 minutes every morning. sounds weird, but sayin’ the stuff out loud — “you’d hate this traffic,” “remember when we…” — made it feel less like i was losing him all over again. it’s not about moving on, it’s about making space.

clearing her closet? that took me two years. you did what you could when you could. no guilt.

oh & i threw out one of her hoodies last week. kept the pocket. idk, felt right. we don’t heal in straight lines — sometimes it’s just pockets of peace

how do i stop feeling stuck after my wife died

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