how do we stop fighting about babies

Q: My spouse wants an open marriage and I am devastated

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Q: My husband stopped talking to me after our baby was born

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Q: Is it normal to feel lonely in a marriage?

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Q: How do you keep the spark alive after 15 years of marriage?

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Q: My wife and I disagree on how to raise our kids — it is tearing us apart

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Question

we’ve been trying for a baby for over 3 years now. two miscarriages. ivf didn’t work. docs say it’s “unexplained” which feels like a slap. my husband used to hold me when i cried. now he just shuts down. we don’t talk about it. sex feels like a chore—scheduled, cold. last week he said maybe we should just split for a bit. like that’d fix anything. i don’t want space. i want him. but every time i try to talk he says he’s “fine” and walks off. i found out my cousin just got pregnant easy and i screamed into a pillow so no one would hear. we used to be so close. now it’s like we’re roommates avoiding landmines. i love him but i’m so tired of being alone in this. he says he’s grieving too but it doesn’t feel the same. how do you keep loving someone who’s right there but gone

Sakura Hayashi · Answer

three years ago i was where you are—curled on the bathroom floor after another negative test, feeling like my body was broken. my husband stopped touching me, stopped talking—just went quiet. i thought i’d lose him. what finally cracked it open was me texting him one night: “i miss you. not the baby stuff. i miss *you*.” he cried—first time in months. we started going on walks no talking, just walking side by side. sometimes i’d reach for his hand, sometimes he’d pull away. but i kept showing up. then we tried one thing: every Sunday morning, no phones, no plans—just coffee on the porch. if we wanted to talk, we did. if not, we sat. took months, but we found our way back. you dont have to fix it all tonight. just try one small thing—text him. or leave a note on his pillow. say you miss him. see what happens. my cousin got pregnant too during this—i burned a hole in my shirt from clenching my jaw. it’s okay to hate that. but dont let it take him from you

how do we stop fighting about babies

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