Husband sends all money to family?

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Question

I'm at my wit's end my husband makes good money but he sends almost all of it to his extended family in another country. We have two kids of our own & they're suffering because of it. My son needs braces but we cant afford it because all our money is going to his cousins or aunts or whoever. I feel so resentful towards his family I know they need help but whats the point of having a family of our own if we cant even take care of them. We've been married for 10 years now and this has been a issue since day one. I've tried talking to him about it but he just says I dont understand his culture. I feel like I'm losing my mind because I dont know how to make him see that our kids need him too. We're having some bedroom issues too because of all the stress this is causing. I just wish he could balance his family obligations with our own needs.

Ethan Brooks · Answer

My sister went through something similar with her husband’s family back in Nigeria — he was sending over half his paycheck every month & they were barely keeping the lights on here. She finally sat him down after their daughter had to sit out of soccer because they couldn’t pay the fee. She said look I get they’re your family but our kids come first & if this doesn’t change I’m out. It was harsh but it worked. They set up a hard cap — 15% max to his family & the rest goes to household needs & savings. We even helped them open a separate bank account just for his family transfers so it’s tracked & can’t spiral. You’re not heartless for wanting to care for your own kids — that’s basic. Have a calm talk but lay it out clear: braces, school stuff, emergencies — these come before distant cousins. Maybe suggest he picks one relative to help instead of spreading it thin. It’s not all or nothing but right now your family’s getting the short end & that’s not fair

Husband sends all money to family?

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