I want to leave Singapore but my partner can't

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Question

I’ve been thinking about moving to Canada for a while now. Got a job offer in Vancouver last month and it’s everything I wanted — quiet, space, nature nearby. But my wife… her whole family is here. Parents, siblings, even her business is tied to the hawker stall her dad started. She says she can’t leave, and I get it lah. But staying feels like I’m shrinking every day. The noise, the pressure to perform, always having to explain why I don’t want to go for after-work drinks or why I need to be alone after dinner — it’s exhausting. She calls me cold sometimes. I’m not cold, just drained. We’ve talked, but she keeps saying, 'Can we just make it work here?' Like I’m the one being unreasonable for wanting out. I don’t want to choose between my sanity and my marriage, but it’s starting to feel like that’s exactly what’s happening. What do I even do when love isn’t enough to keep two people in the same country? 💔

Dewi Rahayu · Answer

Sometimes I think about the choices we make for love, and how they can slowly change us. Actually, I've been in a similar situation, where I had to stay in a place that didn't feel like home because of family ties. I cannot say directly but... it's a really tough spot to be in, feeling like you're losing yourself in the process. What I did was try to find small compromises, like taking weekend trips to nearby towns or finding quiet spots in the city to escape to. Maybe you could talk to your wife about finding a middle ground, like a trial period in Canada or regular visits back to Singapore?

I want to leave Singapore but my partner can't

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