Is it normal to never have impulsive moments?

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Question

We’ve been together six years. Every date, every trip, every gift — planned weeks in advance. I don’t think we’ve ever woken up and just drove somewhere. On the one hand, it’s nice things are reliable. He remembers my tea, always books hotels with quiet rooms, never shows up unannounced. On the other hand, sometimes I wonder if something’s missing. Last month, I suggested we skip dinner with his parents and go to that new cinema instead. He said we can plan it for next month, added it to his calendar. Not angry, not cold — just… orderly. My cousin once showed up at her boyfriend’s door with two train tickets to Hamburg. They weren’t even officially dating yet. She said it felt alive. I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking. But sometimes I miss feeling surprised by us. He has done this 14 times in 3 months — turning spontaneous ideas into scheduled events. Is that a red flag? Or just how some people are?

Ryosuke Ito · Answer

My partner’s the same way — color coded calendars, packing lists for weekend trips, the whole thing. I used to get frustrated too, like, can’t we just… do something silly for once?  but then i realized he shows love through consistency, not spontaneity. that doesn’t mean there’s nothing missing — it just means you gotta meet halfway.  so what i started doing? i take charge of the impulsive stuff. like last minute, i’ll book two tickets to a show and text him, “don’t cook tonight — we’re going out.”  gives him time to mentally shift but still feels unscripted.  or i’ll plan a “no plan” day where we just drive and decide turns on a whim. he grumbles at first but always ends up laughing.  point is, you dont need to change him — just carve out space where your spontaneity leads.  try stealing the wheel once in a while.  works like a charm

Is it normal to never have impulsive moments?

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