Is this control?

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Question

I've been married to my husband for a long long time, 5 years now, and lately, I've noticed he gets very very upset if I don't answer his calls or texts when I'm out with friends. He says it's because he's concerned about my safety, but it feels like he's checking up on me every hour. Actually, I know he loves me and wants the best for me, but this is really frustrating. I feel like I'm being treated like a child... and I don't know how to talk to him about it without making him feel like I don't appreciate his concern. We had a big big problem last week when I didn't answer his call for 2 hours and he showed up at the restaurant where I was with my friends, it was really embarrassing. I love him, but I need some space, you know?

Arief Wibowo · Answer

my sister, i been there. when my wife started working in singapore, i was the one calling every hour. i told myself it was care, but really i was afraid. afraid she'd change, afraid i was losing her. but after 2 years of her being quiet, then short replies, then silence... we almost didnt make it.

i learned to breathe. to let go a little. it started with small things. instead of calling, i'd send one text: "sampai rumah kabar ya." wait. trust.

try this: next time he calls, answer calm. say, "sayang, aku baik, aku lagi di kopi sama teh, nanti pulang sendiri. aku janji kabar." say it like youre telling the truth, because you are.

he might frown. might stay quiet that night. but if he loves you, he'll adjust.

my wife came back last year. now we have a rule: no calls after 7 unless emergency. took months. worth it.

trust is heavy, but love heavier 💪

Is this control?

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