Is this just British culture or a problem?

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Question

So my husband Dan finishes work every day and straight to the pub like clockwork 6 days a week sometimes even 7 he says it’s normal here it’s just what people do in Britain and I get that maybe it is but it still feels off to me like last night our son had his school play and Dan showed up late half-cut and laughing too loud I wanted to disappear he didn’t even remember what part our son played he just said oh come on love don’t be so serious it’s just a bit of drink it’s how blokes unwind here but it’s not just a bit it’s pints every night sometimes more and when I bring it up he says I’m nagging or being American about it like caring is some personality flaw I don’t want to be that wife who screams about it but I miss having dinner together I miss feeling like we’re a team not like I’m solo parenting while he clocks pub hours like it’s a second job i tried saying maybe scale back a few nights he said I don’t have a drinking problem everyone does this but it doesn’t feel normal it feels lonely and honestly kind of disrespectful like am I overreacting or is this actually not okay

Noah Williams · Answer

My husband used to do the same thing – pub every night, sometimes with mates, sometimes alone, always coming back a bit merry. I told myself it was just British, it’s what my dad did, it’s harmless, but then our daughter asked why Daddy couldn’t watch her dance recital ‘sober for once’. That hit me like a brick.

I started asking Dan to write down *every* time he went to the pub – not to nag, just to see the pattern. He did it for two weeks and was shocked. He’d missed seven bedtimes, three dinner invites, my birthday drink, and didn’t even realise how much he’d missed.

We sat down with the list and talked. Not yelled. Just talked. I showed him the moments he’d missed. He still goes to the pub – but now it’s twice a week, and he texts before if he’s running late.

Try the log. See what it really looks like on paper.

Sometimes it’s culture. Sometimes it’s hiding something else.

And that moment when your kid looks at you like they’re embarrassed? That changes everything.

Is this just British culture or a problem?

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