Leave or stay?

Q: My spouse wants an open marriage and I am devastated

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-spouse-wants-an-open-marriage-and-i-am-devastated

Q: My husband stopped talking to me after our baby was born

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-husband-stopped-talking-to-me-after-our-baby-was-born

Q: Is it normal to feel lonely in a marriage?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-feel-lonely-in-a-marriage

Q: How do you keep the spark alive after 15 years of marriage?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-keep-the-spark-alive-after-15-years-of-marriage

Q: My wife and I disagree on how to raise our kids — it is tearing us apart

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-wife-and-i-disagree-on-how-to-raise-our-kids-it-is-tearing-us-apart

Question

I've been feeling really trapped in my life here, to be honest. Last time I thought marriage would bring me freedom, but it's just more responsibility. My wife, she's built a good career and has a lot of family ties, I dont know how she can just leave. I feel bad even asking her to consider it... I've always dreamed of living abroad, experiencing new things, but every time I bring it up, she gets this look on her face like I'm abandoning her. I love her, but I dont know if I can stay here forever. It's not just about me, it's about us, and I dont want to resent her for holding me back... what do I do?

Darren Lim · Answer

My sister went through something similar — she’d always wanted to move to Portugal but her husband wasn’t having it. They hit a wall for years until they agreed on a trial run: 3 months abroad, sublet their place, no pressure to stay. Turned out it was just what he needed to see it wasn’t about leaving her — it was about finding a new way to be together. You don’t have to solve everything today but maybe suggest a short trip — somewhere you’ve dreamed of — & see how it feels to be there together. Watch how she moves in that space, talk when you’re both relaxed on a balcony with wine. My wife & I did that in Mexico and it changed everything. It’s not all or nothing — sometimes just breaking the routine cracks the door open for real talk. You love her — that’s clear — but you’ve gotta live too

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