Love supposed to hurt?

Q: I keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners — how do I break the pattern?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-keep-choosing-emotionally-unavailable-partners-how-do-i-break-the-pattern

Q: How do I stop being codependent in relationships?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-being-codependent-in-relationships

Q: How do you heal from emotional abuse when the abuser was your parent?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-heal-from-emotional-abuse-when-the-abuser-was-your-parent

Q: Learning to love myself before loving someone else — is that real advice or a cliche?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/learning-to-love-myself-before-loving-someone-else-is-that-real-advice-or-a-cliche

Q: Did I leave love for excitement and mess up?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/did-i-leave-love-for-excitement-and-mess-up-o06f3i

Question

The thing is, I was raised watching my family and friends believe that love is supposed to hurt sometimes, and I'm not sure if I've escaped that mindset. My girlfriend, mi amor, she says it too - that it's normal for love to be painful. But I'm starting to think that's not true. I love her but she's so casual about our relationship and it's hard for me to understand why she doesn't take it as seriously as I do. We've been together for a few years now and I feel like we're at a crossroads. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't value our relationship as much as I do, but at the same time, I don't want to lose her. The thing is, I'm not sure if I'm just being too sensitive or if there's really something wrong here.

Shaun Tan · Answer

Last time I was with someone, I thought pain just came with love — like it was the price. Got problem or not? But then I saw how my mum and dad were, always walking on eggshells, saying 'this is love' when really, it was just fear. Took me a while to realise I was doing the same thing. With my last partner, I kept trying to match their energy, even when it left me drained. Go already with plans, cancel last minute, no big deal — but it felt like a big deal to me. Eventually I asked: why am I the only one holding on tight? Have an honest talk with your mi amor. Not a fight, just tell her how you feel when things feel casual. See if she’s willing to meet you halfway. Love shouldn’t leave you guessing or hurting all the time. If she shrugs it off, then maybe she’s comfortable with the imbalance — but ask yourself if you really want to stay there.

Love supposed to hurt?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience