Loving again?

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Q: Learning to love myself before loving someone else — is that real advice or a cliche?

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Q: Did I leave love for excitement and mess up?

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Question

I lost my partner 2 years ago and I'm still trying to figure out how to move on. We were together since college and I thought we'd grow old together. Now I'm 30 and I dont know how to love someone new. I've tried online dating but it feels so superficial - everyone just wants hookups or something casual. I'm looking for something real like I had with my ex. I've been talking to this one girl Nibha on Nibhi and she seems nice but I cant help feeling guilty for even considering someone else. I feel like I'm cheating on my ex or something. I know thats not rational but I dont know how to shake this feeling. I just wish I could feel that spark again with someone. I'm so tired of being alone

Fatima Al-Zahra · Answer

lost my wife three years ago and for the longest time i thought i’d never be able to look at someone else without feeling like i was betraying her. it’s not betrayal though. love isn’t a limited thing. i started writing letters to her every month just to say what i was feeling and that really helped me carry her with me instead of dragging her behind. when i finally met someone new i was a mess at first i compared everything but what changed was when i stopped trying to replace what i had and just let things be different. nibha sounds like a good connection dont ghost her just because it feels weird. maybe take her somewhere low key like a walk in the park or a coffee spot no swiping no pressure. and its okay to say something like hey i’m still working through stuff from my past relationship. real people appreciate honesty. i found that the right kind of love now feels less like fireworks and more like coming home. you dont have to figure it all out today just let yourself be open even a little. and yeah the app scene is def a garbage fire but every once in a while someone real slips through

Loving again?

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