Still love him but the spark is gone?

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Question

We've been married eight years, three in Paris after moving from Lyon. I keep thinking it's just a phase — he's sweet, we have a good life, but every morning when he hums that same stupid Edith Piaf song making coffee, I feel… nothing. Worse, I pretend to smile because I know his mother would never forgive me if I 'gave up on romance'. In Lyon no one expects fireworks forever, but here? He talks about love like it's some endless poem. I just want calm. Last week he planned this whole dinner with candles, said he felt me pulling away. I cried, not because I was touched, but because I felt guilty. We used to cook daube au vin together every Sunday. Now I make it alone and tell him I'm too tired. Is it enough to care for someone deeply without feeling lit up? My mother says, 'Better a quiet heart than a broken table.' But sometimes I wonder if I'm just becoming my mother. And if that’s really what I want.

Natalia Petrenko · Answer

happened to me too. we were in annecy for five years, then moved to marseille and suddenly everything felt like a play we’d already seen. i’d sit there watching him fold laundry like it was some tragic romance film. what helped? we stopped trying to fix love and started just… doing things. not dates. not grand gestures. small stuff. like i’d say hey let’s go buy bread and he’d say okay and we’d walk and not talk for twenty minutes. turned out i missed the quiet more than the spark. try skipping one of his perfect dinners. go sit on a park bench with croissants. see how it feels to just exist next to him without performing. my mother said marriage is a duty but honestly it’s just two people trying not to be assholes too often. and sometimes you forget who they are under all the roles you both play

Still love him but the spark is gone?

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