Therapy just hurts now - anyone else?

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Hey. Lost my wife suddenly last winter. It sucks. I started therapy soon after, which helped at first. But these last few months? Man, every session just leaves me wrecked for days. We talk about her, obviously, but it’s like ripping the scab off every week. My therapist says it's part of the process, idk, it feels kinda pointless right now? I can't even bring myself to talk about something else when I go in. Just sit there. Friends say 'maybe try a different therapist?', but starting over sounds exhausting lol. And everyone wants an update like I'm 'better' now? Just wanna crawl into bed after sessions. How do you deal when therapy makes the grief worse instead of helping? Feels like I'm stuck between wanting help and not being able to handle the. You know?

Henrik Eriksson · Answer

Lost my mom two years ago & honestly, I trashed my first therapist after about six months. Felt just like you—each session left me hollow. I kept showing up cause I thought I *had* to, but it got so I’d dread Thursday afternoons.

Then I skipped three weeks. Not on purpose—just couldn’t move. When I finally went back, I told her flat out: 'I don’t think this is working.' She suggested we slow down. We switched to every other week, started talking about dumb stuff—what I cooked, weird dreams. Gave the grief space to breathe instead of poking it weekly.

Try pausing for a bit. Take a month off & see how you feel. Or tell your therapist you need a break from the heavy stuff for a few sessions. You don’t owe anyone hourly heartbreak.

My current therapist lets me sit in silence if I need to. Sometimes I just stare out the window & she doesn’t push. That silence? It helps

Worth trying a new person if it keeps feeling raw. You don’t have to start over—just start

Therapy just hurts now - anyone else?

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